crimefought:

cillianhelps:

• “New Year’s is always the year’s biggest letdown.”
• “So, what are your resolutions?”
• “I swear, if I have to hear ‘Auld Lang Syne’ one more time…”
• “Hey, sorry, it took me forever to find a place where my cell could get a signal… happy new year’s from [location].”
• “What have you accomplished this year?”
• “This year sucked. Good riddance.”
• “Let’s hope this year goes better than the last one…”
• “There’s a party at [name]’s house. You coming?”
• “We’re headed to Times Square to watch the ball drop. You can tag along if you want.”
• “Hey, last year of [politician your character doesn’t like]!”
• “Just think of all the video games and movies that are being released this year…”
• “No champagne for me. Designated driver.”
• “Giving up chocolate for new year’s? I give it a week.”
• “We’ve had a big year.”
• “I plan to hit five parties before midnight.”
• “3… 2… 1! HAPPY NEW YEAR!”
• “Want a party hat?”
• “Champagne?”
• “Three biggest moments from this year?”
• “It’s nearly midnight… have you seen my date?”
• “Ah, yes, it’s almost midnight, which no one is going to kiss me at.”
• “This time last year, I was living in a motel. This is definitely an improvement.”
• “I’ve heard ‘Auld Lang Syne’ six times tonight and it’s only 11:30.”
• “And to think, this time last year I was dating you.”
• “I need someone to kiss at midnight. You up to it?”
• “I need your help. I want to kiss [name] at midnight, and I need you to help me make it happen.”
• “It’s New Year’s. Aren’t we supposed to be making out?”
• “Oh, God, my ex is here. Pass the champagne.”
• “Look, I know you’d rather be in bed, but could you at least pretend to be excited?”
• “A toast to my amazing friends, and to the new year!”
• “I should’ve been in bed two hours ago.”
• “Are you sure [name] is up to stay awake until midnight? I mean, s/he’s only [age]…”
• “Psst. Hey. Hey, wake up. It’s midnight. Make your resolutions.”
• “I swear, if next New Year’s, we’re in the same place we are now, shoot me. Just do it. I’m serious. Just shoot me.”
• “I remember when I’d get so excited for New Year’s…”
• “Y'know, New Year’s sort of loses its punch when you stay up until 2 AM every night anyway…”
• “I like to think we grew up this year.”
• “No firecrackers this year. The neighbors complained.”
• “I’m tipsy, covered in streamers, surrounded by hung over people, I have Auld Lang Syne stuck in my head, and I don’t know where my cell phone is. It is New Year’s.”
• “You know, under the circumstances, I think this isn’t such a bad impromptu New Year’s party.”
• “I can’t believe you gave our son/daughter champagne!”
• “Come on, it’s New Year’s Eve, you can’t spend the whole party hiding in the bathroom!”
• “How much longer?”
• “Any good New Year’s specials on?”
• “I’ve had a glass of champagne, I made my resolution, I watched the clock strike midnight. I’m going to bed.”
• “You’re crazy. That place is always a zoo on New Year’s.”
• “Just pick an outfit so we can go. I mean, it’s just a New Year’s party, it’s not a black-tie event.”
• “We should probably get back to the party.”
• “What are you doing out here on the roof? The party’s inside.”
• “Snow on New Year’s! Wish it had bothered to show up for Christmas…”
• “Where’s [name]? S/he’s my ride.”
• “I rented a limo. We are arriving to that party in style.”
• “To 2018. May it not totally fuck us in the ass.”

alannasroleplaymemes:

Send a symbol to have your Muse touch my Muse in a certain way and see how they react!

➟ Pull on their hair/clothing
➡ Smack dat ass
➢Grope them
➣ Slap their hand away
➤ Punch/Slap/Assault them
➥ Rub their back
➧ Massage their shoulders
➨ Put their hand between mine’s legs
➚Tickle them
➙ Pinch them
➛Poke them
➜ Play with mine’s hair
➝ Feel mine’s heartbeat

littlelovelymemes:

✰  —  —  *  PARKS & RECREATION SENTENCE STARTERS

‘  i tried to make ramen in the coffee pot and i broke everything.  ’
‘  i typed your symptoms into the thing up here and it says you could have network connectivity problems.  ’
‘  there’s only one thing i hate more than lying: skim milk, which is water that’s lying about being milk.  ’
‘  don’t be such a baby. i cooked you some bacon for a trail snack.  ’
‘  i really only listen to german death reggae and halloween sound effects records from the 1950s.  ’
‘  whenever she asks me for the latin names of any of our plants, i just give her the names of rappers.  ’
‘  i once forgot to brush my teeth for five weeks.  ’
‘  i didn’t actually sell my last car, i just forgot where i parked it.  ’
‘  i don’t know who al gore is and at this point i’m too afraid to ask.  ’
‘  when they say 2% milk, i don’t know what they other 98% is.  ’
‘  i’ve only slept nine hours over the past four days so i’m right on the verge of a nervous breakdown.  ’
‘  upon my death, all of my belongings shall transfer to the man or animal who has killed me.  ’
‘  since i am not a rabbit, no, i do not want a salad.  ’
‘  you’re like an angel with no wings.  ’
‘  oh my god you have to stop using the word ‘nipple.’  ’
‘  you’re right, i know. i have to be a grown up… but it’s so hard!  ’
‘  i was reading an encyclopedia and i tripped or ‘fell over’ and hit my head. or ‘brain helmet.’  ’
‘  oh my god, your boobs are dead.  ’
‘  i have a medical condition, alright! it’s called caring too much and it’s incurable!  ’
‘  he put all my records into this rectangle! the songs just play one right after the other! this is an excellent rectangle!  ’
‘  if i keep my body moving and my mind occupied at all times, i will avoid falling into a bottomless pit of despair.  ’
‘  guys love it when you can show them you’re better than they are at something they love.  ’
‘  jogging is the worst. i mean, i know it keeps you healthy, but god, at what cost?  ’
‘  i have done nothing wrong, ever, in my life.  ’
‘  i know this and i love you.  ’
‘  that’s too much responsibility. i gotta find a way out of this.  ’
‘  you are a wonderful person. your friendship means a lot to me and you look very beautiful.  ’
‘  i was kind of getting sick of listening to them talk about their relationship, but then i remembered that alcohol existed.  ’
‘  i got stung once and i’m immune. go ahead and sting me, bees! it does nothing!  ’
‘  i’m not afraid of cops! i have no reason to be. i never break any laws, ever… because i’m deathly afraid of cops.  ’
‘  i’m fine. it’s just that life is pointless and nothing matters and i’m always tired.  ’
‘  there will be alcohol there, so i will go as well.  ’
‘  i can’t go because i don’t want to.  ’
‘  i’m just gonna stay angry, i find that relaxes me!  ’
‘  i don’t want to seem overdramatic, but i don’t really care what happens here.  ’
‘  i’m just gonna leave early and go home.  ’
‘  if any of you need anything at all, too bad.  ’
‘  you have never been neutral on anything in your life. you have an opinion on pockets.  ’
‘  dance up on me!  ’
‘  i have an idea, it’s very uncool. it’s not illegal, technically. but it is a dick move.  ’
‘  one time my refrigerator stopped working. i didn’t know what to do. i just moved.  ’
‘  you’re stupid and you’re drunk and you’re stupid.  ’
‘  you don’t even know one thing. i didn’t even say one thing and then she asked me the whole thing and i didn’t even do it once.  ’
‘  i’m like an elephant, okay? if i walk into a room, it’s like, ‘oh he’s in there.’  ’
‘  bababooey.  ’
‘  mac and cheese pizza?! you’re making that?!  ’
‘  i was dying earlier today. and then i died. now i’m dead.  ’
‘  the only thing i will be waving is your decapitated head on a stick in front of your weeping mother!  ’
‘  i don’t want to be overdramatic, but today felt like 100 years in hell and the absolute worst day of my life.  ’
‘  i have been kind of tense lately. just thinking about the new star wars sequel.  ’
‘  it does look sad. kind of. sorry for stepping on you, floor.  ’
‘  if you rearrange the letters of peru, you can spell europe.  ’
‘  you’re as guilty as you are sexy.  ’
‘  this maze is like a maze.  ’
‘  sometimes when i blow my nose, i get a boner. i don’t know why. it just happens.  ’
‘  so i feel like you were mad at me yesterday and i don’t know why so i made a list of everything i did and i’m gonna try not to do any of them again.  ’
‘  no, i’m not crying, okay? i’m allergic to jerks!  ’
‘  i don’t even have time to tell you how wrong you are… actually, it’s going to bug me if i don’t.  ’
‘  with all due respect, you’re a major dick.  ’
‘  the calzones… betrayed me?  ’
‘  who hasn’t had gay thoughts?  ’
‘  do you think a depressed person could make this? no!  ’
‘  i like your energy. what do you say you and i ride go-karts later?  ’
‘  three words: treat. yo. self.  ’
‘  treat yo self. it’s the best day of the year!  ’
‘  i’ll tell you what. here’s the deal. if you get fired, i’ll quit, and we’ll leave together. i’m serious! move to a new city, change our names… burn our fingertips off with acid… swap faces… if we have to.  ’
‘  monsters don’t have souls? uh, have you seen monsters inc?  ’
‘  i make my money the old fashioned way: i got run over by a lexus.  ’
‘  i took this thing called ‘zapvigil’ which apparently is what israeli fighter pilots use to stay awake so… right now it looks like i’m talking to a giant crab. stay away from me crab!  ’
‘  well, you suck at being polite, sir.  ’
‘  at one point, for no reason, i just took off my shoes and held them in my hand.  ’
‘  three, two, one, and my shift’s over… what the fuck is your problem?!  ’
‘  math is worthless in real life. i mean, there’s an app for calculating tips. that’s all you need.  ’
‘  your house isn’t haunted, you’re lonely.  ’
‘  just because i can’t go out with him, someone else can? wow.  ’
‘  oh, this is bad. i should not have done this.  ’
‘  she’s the worst person i’ve ever met. i want to travel the world with her.  ’
‘  no, no, no, no. i’m not lonely. i have me.  ’
‘  i love watching russian traffic accidents on youtube while i play children’s music at the wrong rpm.  ’
‘  god, i am so annoyed that he would hypothetically do that.  ’
‘  you beautiful, rule-breaking moth.  ’
‘  you beautiful, naive, sophisticated newborn baby.  ’
‘  you beautiful tropical fish.  ’
‘  hope no one minds if i livetweet this bitch!  ’
‘  i just want to hear the doctor say that he had a fart attack. is that too much to ask?  ’
‘  the only things i like are dogs and sleeping late.  ’
‘  it kind of sucks that i’m super broke and i want to buy you stuff and it’s embarrassing that i can’t.  ’
‘  i don’t want anything. i just want to hang out with you.  ’
‘  you’ve killed my spirit. my spirit’s blood is on your hands.  ’
‘  i hate people.  ’
‘  you can see the stars, which i hate. they’re creepy.  ’
‘  i will kill you slowly with a giant syringe.  ’
‘  what? i love garbage.  ’
‘  i only tell the truth when it makes me sound like i’m lying.  ’
‘  i want to be burned at the stake.  ’
‘  i’m going to murder you a thousand times.  ’
‘  people who buy things are suckers.  ’
‘  this is 100% certified for realskis.  ’
‘  well, if there’s anyone who can bring my parents together, it’s no one. no one can ever bring them together.  ’
‘  getting married is the bravest, most wonderful thing you can do because every day you come home and you’re just like, ‘what? it’s you! i love you! you’re my sexy roommate. we love each other.’  ’
‘  i am 100% certain that i am 0% sure of what i’m going to do.  ’
‘  my anxiety has kept me up for over 50 hours.  ’
‘  maybe we should find the person who stole your positive attitude.  ’
‘  scientists believe that the first human being who will live 150 years has already been born. i believe i am that human being.  ’
‘  messy is fun, okay? my whole life is a giant mess and i love it.  ’
‘  friendship is better because friends help you move. they drive you to the airport. boyfriends just… love you and marry you.  ’
‘  i hope you brought a change of clothes cause your eyes are about to piss tears.  ’
‘  everything hurts and i’m dying.  ’

‘  i need you to text me every 30 seconds saying everything’s gonna be okay.  ’
‘  let me just say, from the bottom of my heart: my bad.  ’
‘  there are no consequences to my actions anymore. i’m like a white, male u.s. senator.  ’
‘  hey, are you busy? and writing star trek fan fiction does not count.  ’
‘  what do we…? like, what do we do? like, what do we do? um, how- how do we- how…? how… how… how? what do we do?!  ’
‘  oh, also, i have a little secret… i’m drunk.  ’
‘  i do say the cutest stuff.  ’
‘  i don’t want to cause a panic… news flash: we’re screwed!  ’
‘  velvet slippies, cashmere socks, velvet pants, cashmere turtle. i’m a cashmere-velvet candy cane.  ’
‘  you shut your mouth! you have all the strengths!  ’
‘  never half-ass two things. whole-ass one thing.  ’
‘  i’m a simple man. i like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food.  ’
‘  i guess i kind of hate most things, but i never really seem to hate you.  ’
‘  time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge. let’s go!  ’
‘  i have no idea what i’m doing, but i know i’m doing it really, really well.  ’
‘  ovaries before brovaries.  ’
‘  sometimes you gotta work a little so you can ball a lot.  ’
‘  i have never taken the high road, but i tell people to ‘cause then there’s more room for me on the low road.  ’
‘  just remember, every time you look up at the moon, i, too, will be looking at a moon. not the same moon, obviously. that’s impossible.  ’
‘  i’m just gonna go live under a bridge and ask people riddles before they cross.  ’
‘  i love games that turn people against each other.  ’
‘  i don’t care about that prize, but i’m gonna win because i want his happiness to go away.  ’
‘  that is the coolest sentence i have ever heard somebody talk.  ’
‘  i wanted to make fun of stupid people while i get drunk. my two true passions.  ’
‘  i am big enough to admit that i am often inspired by myself.  ’
‘  if i could go back in time and cut your eyeballs out, i would.  ’

electric-daisy-forest:

Anonymously tell me what kind of vibe I give off

terrifiesthem:

• ^{❛ whatever it is you’re looking for … i’m not it. ❜}
• ^{❛ books are great, but they don’t hold all the answers. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ happy is a kick in the balls waiting to happen. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ you got half a life left to live, my friend. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ you see, what worries me the most is that you’ve been in a hole so long that it’s become home. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ wow. that was sexist, racist, and demeaning all of my abilities all in one sentence. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ what time is it? ❜}
  
• ^{❛ you brought this on yourself! ❜}
  
• ^{❛ don’t you ever say that again. you got that? ❜}
• ^{❛ you’re not the only ghost in this town. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ truth is … i was past caring. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ holy shit. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ what the hell, why not? ❜}
  
• ^{❛ you’re still all heart, huh? ❜}
  
• ^{❛ drink? ❜}
  
• ^{❛ been flirting with the idea of going full man-bun. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ i’ll keep that in mind. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ i wanna help, but not if it’s gonna get someone killed. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ you think you’re okay and then something just brings it all back. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ i don’t know if i would kiss him or slap him. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ don’t even think about it. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ tonight’s the night you’re gonna die. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ never off-duty, huh? ❜}
  
• ^{❛ i’m calling the shots now. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ you need me! ❜}
  
• ^{❛ you always talk this much? ❜}
  
• ^{❛ piece of shit. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ now all you got is the nightmare. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ you want me to tell you it’s okay so that if this all blows up, it won’t be your fault. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ you always were good at putting people back together. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ i know that it makes it easier for you if you make me the enemy, but i’m not. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ you are shitting me. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ shit you not. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ i dream, i see that guy. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ what the hell is it that you do anyways? ❜}
  
• ^{❛ hey, you shut your mouth. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ you don’t know shit. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ looks to me like we’re hiding evidence. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ and now you’re closing yourself off, find it hard to trust people. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ i’m the best. others will let me down. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ i didn’t have a choice. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ i could have killed you. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ and you don’t find that kinda scary? ❜}
  
• ^{❛ why don’t you sit down? ❜}
  
• ^{❛ i don’t do partners. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ you ever think about, maybe, quality over quantity? ❜}
  
• ^{❛ god made me this way for a reason, bro. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ i think this is a trap. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ i think if we do this, men are gonna die. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ you just don’t bleed out, you hear me? ❜}
  
• ^{❛ what’d you say? ❜}
  
• ^{❛ i cannot let you do that. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ god damn it. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ the hell is that? ❜}
  
• ^{❛ you wanna go up against him/her/them with a pink ruger and no ammo? ❜}
  
• ^{❛ grow up. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ that’s not happening, alright? not on my watch. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ what if we got you a little pair of green tights and a pointy cap with a feather in it? ❜}
  
• ^{❛ don’t bother me. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ want me to leave? ❜}
  
• ^{❛ tough guy, huh? ❜}
  
• ^{❛ i’m useless. ❜}
• ^{❛ did i get anything right? ❜}
  
• ^{❛ it was good. i just made it better. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ turns out i suck at guitar. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ that’s what joe did. don’t be like joe. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ what, are you gonna puke? ❜}
  
• ^{❛ you sure about this? ❜}
  
• ^{❛ it’s nothing. i’m fine. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ please don’t do this. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ i can’t do this. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ pissed off beats scared every time. ❜}
  
• ^{❛ what did i do? i got my hands … i got my hands dirty, you piece of shit! ❜}
  
• ^{❛ you stay out of my way. ❜}
  

kunnskat:

[ Source: (x) (x) ]

“A relationship is built for two. Obviously, you don’t know how to count.”
“Acting like a dick won’t make yours any bigger.”
“And you pointing out the obvious is what, helpful?”
”Breaking news just in: you’re an asshole!”
“Congratulations on your ability to create drama out of absolutely nothing.”
“Did someone binge on bitch flakes this morning?”
”Do you ever get off Facebook long enough to live the life you keep bragging about?”
”Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents job.”
”Everyone has a right to an opinion, and I have a right not to listen to it.”
”Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but you abuse the privilege.”
“Everything’s better when you don’t give a shit.”
“First of all, take a moment to realize who the fuck you’re talking to.”
”Go away, I’m too sober to deal with you.”
”Hey, I found your nose, it’s in my business again!”
“Holding in all this sarcasm physically hurts.”
”How do I block you in real life?”
”I’m an acquired taste. Don’t like me, acquire some taste.”
”I’m going to need you to turn down your psycho for just a bit.”
”I’m not a proctologist, but I know an asshole when I see one.”
“I’m not saying you’re stupid, I’m just saying you have bad luck when it comes to thinking.”
“I’m sorry. And by ‘sorry’, I mean get over it.” 
“I’m sorry, did you say something? I’m afraid I automatically tune out bullshit.”
”I’m sorry, was it my job to fill your life with joy today?”
”I’m sorry I suck at empathizing with your first world problems.”
”I’m sorry we fought. I hate it when you’re wrong.”
“I’m sorry you got offended that one time you were treated the way you treat everyone all the time.”
”I call bullshit!”
”I can always count on you to relentlessly point out the negative.”
“I can only please one person per day and today I chose me!”
”I did not mean to offend you, that was just a bonus.”
”I didn’t mean to push your buttons, I was just looking for mute.”
”I didn’t realize you were the expert on my life and how I should live it.”
”I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.”
”I don’t hate you, I’m just simply not excited about your existence. My bad.”
“I don’t take orders. I barely take suggestions.”
”I finally got the last knife of the set you’ve been stabbing in my back all these years. Heads up: I re-gift.”
”I guess if you spoke your mind, you’d be speechless.”
”I have met some pricks in my time but you sir, are a fucking cactus!”
”I hope that bus you threw me under swerves and hits you on the sidewalk.”
“I know, I know, I stood up for myself, I’m such a bitch.”
”I know money doesn’t grow on trees. That’s why I’m asking you.”
”I love hearing you show off.”
”I love the sound you make when you shut up.”
”I no longer do things that make me want to kill myself.”
”I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed person!”
”I see you brought your extra large spoon to stir up trouble.”
”I would like to apologize to anyone I haven’t offended. I am sure I will get to you shortly.”
”I would tell you to go fuck yourself but I’m pretty sure you’d be disappointed.”
“If everywhere you go there’s a problem… Guess what?”
”If I were meant to be controlled I’d come with a remote.”
“If you’re going to be two-faced, at least try to make one of them pretty.”
”If you’re waiting for me to care, you better pack a lunch. It’s gonna be a while.”
”In order for you to insult me I would have to value your opinion. Nice try though.”
”Is there an app I can download to make you go away?”
”Is your drama going to have an intermission soon?”
”Isn’t there a bullet somewhere you could be jumping in front of?”
”It’s called originality, you should try it sometime.”
”It’s impressive that you’re flexible enough to have your foot in your mouth and head up your ass at the same time.”
“No, you’re right, let’s do it the dumbest way possible because it’s easier for you.”
“No need to repeat yourself, I ignored you just fine the first time.”
“No really, it’s adorable when you blame everyone but yourself.” 
“Oh, are you talking to me? I thought you only talked behind my back.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, did my back ruin your knife?”
”Oh, I heard you. I just don’t care.”
”Oops, I forgot I only exist when you want something.”
“Please be patient, I’m fucking things up as fast as I can.” 
“Please cancel my subscription to your issues.” 
”Rather than us agreeing to disagree why don’t you just be quiet.”
”Really, you know what that sounds like? Not my problem!”
”Remember when I asked for your opinion? Me neither.”
”Rumors have taught me many a things about myself.”
”So what you’re saying is you don’t like me treating you the way you treat me. How interesting.”
”Some people find fault like there is a reward for it.”
“Sometimes, even I’m surprised by the shit that comes out of this mouth.”
”Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.”
”Thanks, but I function better without unsolicited advice.”
”Thanks for reminding me why I don’t feel guilty that I can’t stand you.”
”Thanks for trying so hard to be just like me. I wouldn’t want to be you, either.”
”Thanks for your complaint. I will file it right between ‘don’t give a flying f*ck’, and ‘sucks to be you’.”
”Thanks for your two cents, but your thoughts just aren’t worth a penny.”
”The people who tolerate you on a daily basis are the real heroes.”
”There is not a sponge in the world that can rival your self-absorption.”
”Too bad you can’t Photoshop your ugly personality.”
”Unless you’re a pregnancy test, take your negativity elsewhere.”
“Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you know everything.”
”Wait, come back. You forgot your bullshit.”
”Well, aren’t you just a shiny little hypocrite polished in bullshit!”
”What’s that? You heard a bunch of shit about me from someone who hates me? That shit MUST be true!”
”What doesn’t kill you, disappoints me.”
”What I like best about our relationship is how you’re no longer in it.”
“WHAT part of NO don’t you understand?”
“When I think about you, I touch myself. …And by that, I mean rub my temples, because you give me a fucking migraine.”
”When karma comes back to punch you in the face, I want to be there in case it needs help.”
“Where’s your off button?”
“While you’re talking about me behind my back, feel free to bend down and kiss my ass.”
”Who ate your bowl of sunshine this morning, thundercloud?”
”Would you like some cheese with that whine?”
”Wow, I bet you even fart glitter.”
”Yes, of course I have time to listen to you complain about all the stupid shit I can neither help you with or do anything about.”
”You call it talking back. I call it explaining.”
“You DO realize one day I’ll snap, right?”
”You don’t like me? That’s a shame. I’ll pencil in some time to cry about it later.”
“You have a right to your opinion and I have a right to ignore it.”
”You may die of constipation because you’re so full of shit!”
“You reek of drama and a migraine, please get away from me.”
”You should do some soul-searching. Maybe you’ll find one.”
”You should use glue stick instead of Chap Stick.”
”You would be much more likable if it wasn’t for that hole in your mouth that noise comes out of.”
“Your inappropriateness knows no boundaries.“
”Your only purpose in life is as an organ donor.”

archaeologian:

I might write anything from a paragraph to a whopping essay, but send me something you’ve noticed about my characterisation or just something you want to know about my muse and I will write what I can!

littlelovelymemes:

✰   —  —  —  THE GOOD PLACE SENTENCE STARTERS

‘  hi, guys! i’m broken.  ’
‘  send nude pics of your heart to me.  ’
‘  man, repressing your feelings is great.  ’
‘  i just want to sit and stare at nothing and silently scream for the rest of time.  ’
‘  birth is a curse and existence is a prison.  ’
‘  it’s ancient history? it was happening until twenty seconds ago.  ’
‘  one of the perks of living alone is that i get to just walk around naked.  ’
‘  i’ll miss you too, you sexy skyscraper.  ’
‘  you were already at almost-maximum hotness, but now you look like a sexy, tan rapunzel. ugh, the dream.  ’
‘  well, hooking up with someone with the exact same name, it is kind of a fun, narcissistic fantasy… i could be into it.  ’
‘  so far, i’m the best student. i’m gonna be the velociraptor.  ’
‘  i feel like ‘friends’ in season eight, out of ideas and forcing joey and rachel together, even though it made no sense.  ’
‘  i once got lost on an escalator, so i’m not exactly christopher columbus.  ’
‘  we’ve been through this thousands of times. i mean, can you… just chill out? is that possible?  ’
‘  you deserve to be happy because you are an impressive, thoughtful, and special person… not to mention, you have a rockin’ bod.  ’
‘  any place or thing in the universe can be up to 104% perfect. that’s how we got beyonce.  ’
‘  because of reasons. there are reasons! they exist and i don’t want to explain them right now.  ’
‘  i’m a canyon… full of poo-poo.  ’
‘  they are a couple and i am a third part of that couple.  ’
‘  it’s suddenly very important that i get drunk.  ’
‘  you got dreams in life? that’s lit.  ’
‘  be nicer to yourself.  ’
‘  how can i say no? …can i say no?  ’
‘  i don’t have a house. i live in a boundless void.  ’
‘  i have no idea what’s going on, but everyone is talking and i should too.  ’
‘  be nicer to yourself.  ’
‘  i’m too young to die and too old to eat off the kid’s menu. what a stupid age i am!  ’
‘  is this a game? i go first. i call blue!  ’
‘  aw, man. i wanted to push that button. not cool, dude.  ’
‘  we know everything. i don’t understand much of it, but you know, i know it.  ’
‘  that was my first time as a fashion ‘don’t’ and i did not care for it.  ’
‘  i’m just a girl, towering over a boy, asking him to admit he loves me.  ’
‘  hey there hot stuff, can i get you a cup of coffee?  ’
‘  do you have any feelings like that for me again now?  ’
‘  no, no, no, dude, dude, dude, you don’t have to explain yourself. we are on the same page.  ’
‘  i am revved up to learn, man. my brain is horny!  ’
‘  i used to think about how it’s weird they don’t make pants that are just one big pant leg for both your legs.  ’
‘  i felt bad about what i did. it was a weird feeling. not used to it. didn’t love it.  ’
‘  yeah, i love you. ugh, that’s embarrassing. i feel so itchy.  ’
‘  go fork yourself, you mean giraffe.  ’
‘  who needs a soulmate anyway? my soulmate will be… books.  ’
‘  what do we do? panic? freak? i usually panic, but i am happy to freak!  ’
‘  we’re gonna have assignments and quizzes and papers… it’s gonna be so much fun!  ’
‘  i’m in a perfect utopia and i have a stomachache.  ’
‘  i need to step outside for some air. and… i will not be back. for many days.  ’
‘  the point is, you’re cool, dope, fresh, and smart-brained.  ’
‘  yeah, dude. i’m not a monster… anymore.  ’
‘  i’m good. just hang out with her and name constellations after each other or whatever it is nerds do. i’m fine on my own.  ’
‘  i’m in this. we’re a team.  ’
‘  she makes the bass drop… in my heart.  ’
‘  is that some kind of nerd pick-up line? because it’s only kind of working.  ’
‘  ugh, of course your hugs are amazing.  ’
‘  okay, that’s really specific and that makes me think that you definitely did do that.  ’
‘  yeah, mm-hmm, everything is fine, it’s okay, yeah. i’m fine. so, it’s all fine.  ’
‘  look away! everybody look away. i’m going to keep watching, but you guys look away.  ’
‘  ugh, talking about your feelings is the worst.  ’
‘  i’ve been keeping a secret from you… about you. the thing is, it’s not even harming you and if i tell you i feel like it might harm you. so, uh, ethically speaking, i don’t think i have to tell you.  ’
‘  has anyone ever told you what a drag you are?  ’
‘  ‘bearer of bad news’? uh, i think you mean ‘bad news bear’.  ’
‘  honestly, the best move is to get another dude and just go to town. rebound guy.  ’
‘  but i am happy for them! i am! i am! am i? i am! i am not. i am not. i am not that. i am not happy for them.  ’
‘  i totally get it. i mean, he’s a ding dong, but also a straight hottie.  ’
‘  you want to hear his side? oh, no, no, no. that’ll only slow things down.  ’
‘  no! right? no, it felt like a no when i was doing it.  ’
‘  here’s the thing, i’m nice to you and you’re mean to me. there’s something wrong about that, but i can’t put my finger on it.  ’
‘  how am i doing? oh, well, you know… stomach’s in knots, i’m stress-grinding my teeth, and it feels like i’m being suffocated.  ’
‘  just shove your feelings way deep down, plaster on a smile, and pretend your having fun.  ’
‘  just shove your feelings way deep down, plaster on a smile, and pretend your having fun… just like i do when someone starts talking about their kids.  ’
‘  how do i put this delicately… it’s all stupid garbage!  ’
‘  i’m sorry i dragged you into this.  ’
‘  i’m sorry that i never did laundry… and that i waited until you were about to do yours and secretly tossed mine into the basket to trick you into doing it.  ’
‘  that’s a very, very bad idea. don’t be yourself!  ’
‘  great. yet again, it’s everyone against me because everyone except me is an idiot. why am i the only person who clearly sees what’s going on here?  ’

themyskiran:

WONDER WOMAN (2017) SENTENCE MEME

• i used to want to save the world.
  
• what one does when faced with the truth is more difficult than you think.
• i learned this the hard way. 
• and now, i will never be the same.
• where are you going?
• a scorpion must sting, a wolf must hunt. 
• what if i promise to be careful?
• fighting does not make you a hero. 
• war is nothing to hope for. 
• can i see it?
• it’s beautiful. 
• you’re safe, and there is nothing you should concern yourself with. 
• you keep doubting yourself. 
• you are stronger than you believe. 
• are you hurt?
• i love her as you do.
• you’re a man. 
• don’t i look like one?
• men are easily corrupted. 
• is it true you saved his life?
• you let this little thing tell you what to do?
• you can either do nothing, or you can do something.
• i am willing to fight for those who cannot fight for themselves.
• who will i be if i stay?
• it’s hideous. 
• a deal is a promise, and a promise is unbreakable. 
• you’ve got to put down the sword. 
• is there anything else you want to show me?
• this is a terrible idea. 
• who gets paid for honour?
• i am both frightened and aroused. 
• you should be very proud. 
• everyone is fighting their own battles.
• i may as well teach you how to dance. 
• they call us heroes. 
• i don’t drink.
• we work well together.
• now i see that you’re attention is, elsewhere. 
• you know nothing of the gods. 
• what i do is not up to you. 
• you don’t believe me. 
• what are you?
• why are they still fighting?
• they don’t deserve our help. 
• we’re all to blame. 
• it’s not about deserve, it’s about what you believe.
• i believe in love. 
• i am not your enemy.  
• i wish we had more time. 
• i love you. 
• you can save the world. 
• only love can truly save the world.